Joined: 01/Jan/2006
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 18403
Posted: 21/Dec/2008 at 9:21am
What happened to Uncle Ben? Did he buy a Gillette product or not?
'The Thoughtful Investor: A Journey to Financial Freedom Through Stock Market Investing' - A Book on Equity Investing especially for Indian Investors. Book your copy now: www.thethoughtfulinvestor.in
It’s a big day. The courtroom is packed. With journalists,
shareholders, programmers & Barkha Dutt. After all, today’s the day
when the Satyam Chairman & CEO, B Ramalinga Raju, is in the dock. The judge is looking solemn. The public prosecutor is looking smug. In the background, the national emblem
adds gravity to the proceedings. In order to remove any trace of bias,
the words “Satyameva Jayate” have been masked so that it reads “eva
Jayate”. Ramalinga Raju has taken the oath and the crowd too has been quietly swearing at him. The public prosecutor purposefully walks up to the witness stand.
Public Prosecutor (gravely courteous): Would you prefer to remain standing or would you rather sit down?
Ramalinga Raju: Oh, I’ll sit down. This might be a witness stand, but I am a chairman. Heehee.
PP (ignoring the PJ): You have been accused of serious corporate fraud. Do you plead guilty or not guilty.
RR: Actually, I am golti. But, to answer your question, not guilty.
A startled gasp runs through the courtroom.
PP: Not guilty??? Do you actually deny that you falsified the books to show inflated results?
RR: No. No. I admit to that. What I mean to say is that, there was no
intention to defraud. I was merely running my company along Web 2.0 lines. Including the accounting. You could call it Accounting 2.0.
PP (looking a bit out of his depth): Er…. Could you elaborate.
RR: You see, the buzz-phrase these days is the social web. Where the
power of crowds is used to create and refine content. That is Web 2.0. So, with my Accounting 2.0, I was being social, not anti-social.
PP (sarcastically): Thanks for the tutorial. But what does this have to do with Satyam?
RR: My company had enough of writing programs, providing services and shopping bodies. So I decided to move with the times.
PP: And how exactly is declaring false revenues, “moving with the times”?
RR: In the early part of my life, I had been a hard-working
entrepreneur who used to slog to get revenues. But I decided to have an
easier, better SecondLife. So my revenues were just an experiment in
Virtual Reality.
PP: Hmm, interesting. And does that justify cooking the books?
RR: Well, I did cook them in such a way that they were deli.co.us. And
people were ready to Digg in. As long as my books are popular, who
cares if some critics like SEBI object. In fact, the Satyam books were
bestsellers in the fiction section of Amazon. You could call it Long
Tale Economics.
PP: But your balance sheet was blatantly false.
RR (dreamily): What is true? What is false? That is so 1.0. In today’s
world, truth is what the crowd says it is. Constantly shifting but
eternally true. My books, you see, were a Wiki.
PP (thunders): Sir, I think you are just hiding behind a façade of self righteous philosophy. Didn’t you effectively loot the public?
RR: Sure I did. In fact, I’m proud to say that I’m a Flickr.
PP: You know, just for that admission, I can throw the book at you.
RR: And I will face it. I have spent a lot of time in Facebook. Look,
you can’t do much to me. I have a great social network. My status has
been constantly updated. Higher and higher.
PP (bemused): But if you were held in such high regard, why get into this mess?
RR: Well, people were always poking me. So I decided to poke them all back.
PP: All this is fine. What I don’t understand is how your auditors never caught on.
RR (mockingly): What, that PWC crowd? I knew they wouldn’t StumbleUpon anything. They are just a bunch of Tweets.
The crowd twitters in mirth
PP: So do you really expect to get away in spite of all that you have done.
RR: Oh No. The health minister can have me banned because with all this
2.0 stuff, I have spread a social disease. Everybody in this room has
it. It’s called SIFYlis.
Pandemonium breaks out in the courtroom. The judge bangs his gavel for
order. Case adjourned. The spectators quietly disperse avoiding contact
with one another.
Disclaimer: All characters in this trial are as fictitious as Satyam’s profits
References: Second Life, Deli.co.us, Digg, StumbleUpon, Flickr, Wikipedia, Facebook & Twitter are all up there leading the Web 2.0 revolution.
Lastly: Satyam inflated its cash reserves by Rs. 5,040 crores. Wow.
Crossword can now store their books - in the fiction section.
TED makes it compulsory that Kulmanji attend Raju's hearing everyday. For this purpose, Basantji will BlueDart you the very latest MacBook with all the Web 2.0 features your heart desires.
I came up with the following little ditty that was immediately rejected by our editors:
Raju Raju? Yes, papa
Missing assets? No, papa
Unnecessarily trying to acquire a real estate company to save your skin.
No, papa
Okay, show me your balance sheet!
Ha ha ha
But for one moment let us step back and look at the business of corporate scams with an individual perspective.
How come people such as Raju who ran Satyam with some 53,000 employees (one-sixth the population of Iceland), General Motors Corp. and indeed Iceland itself, can make such phenomenal blunders/frauds/deceptions and then send a letter out to apologize and then ask for money from the World Bank or Hank Paulson? Why do organizations, CEOs and even countries get away so lightly?
Let us put this in cubicle terms to explain the gripe. Have you ever made a mistake with your expense statements in the office and then tried to clarify things with the folks in accounts? Perhaps you laundered one more shirt during the business trip than was allowed. Or you consumed a Red Bull on an official lunch, a beverage missing from the approved list of meal accompaniments.
In all probability the guy in accounts will tell you that this is a serious deviation from corporate policy and clearing the Red Bull bill will need, at the minimum, a special decision by the board of directors. But only after you file an official request in triplicate, which is signed by the V-P (HR) in Bangkok. So, you end up spending thousands of rupees in international calls and courier charges to, effectively, consume a can of energy drink.
But the CEO of the same company, on the other hand, can one day solemnly send out a fax to all the branches saying that something terrible has happened and they can’t seem to find the asset side of the balance sheet anymore.
Try saying that to your credit collection goons. See who loses his asset side then.
But one moment. Perhaps there was something in Raju’s methods that we should all adopt in our personal lives. Perhaps we all worry too much about our financial problems and irregularities and make a big deal out of nothing. Perhaps, ŕ la Raju, all we need to do is write a sincere heartfelt letter and send it out to our employers, friends and family. Maybe they would understand and put up websites to support our cause like they did for Raju.
This thought bothered me all Wednesday till I decided to give it a shot later that night. Here is a transcript of an email I’ve just sent to the missus:
Dear Mrs Vadukut,
It is with deep regret and tremendous shame on my conscience that I inform you of the following:
1. Unlike previously mentioned at the time of our sangeeth and then marriage, I am not completely credit card debt free.
2. My cash savings of Rs2.1 lakh as indicated last month while having dinner with your parents is largely non-existent.
3. I may have overstated my annual income by around Rs13 lakh for the last fiscal year. My actual annual income for 2007-08, after tax and fixed payments, is around Rs14 and some Sodexho vouchers.
This gap in my financial situation rose purely out of inflated income assessments passed on to you over the last three years. Attempts were made to plug in this gap. You may remember that I had suggested you apply for the Delhi Development Authority (DDA) flat allotment draw. The idea was to take the application money from you, deposit it in my account and then blame the DDA for the delay in refund. But the resultant outcry from your parents led me to abort the real estate deal.
However, I am prepared to stand firm and face all consequences for my actions as soon as I land in Dubai with whom India does not have an extradition agreement.
Sidin Vadukut (Mint)
"You don't need to be a rocket scientist. Investing is not a game where the guy with the 160 IQ beat the guy with a 130 IQ. Rationality is essential"- Warren Buffett
You cannot post new topics in this forum You cannot reply to topics in this forum You cannot delete your posts in this forum You cannot edit your posts in this forum You cannot create polls in this forum You cannot vote in polls in this forum
Active Topics
Memberlist
Calendar
Search
Help
Register
Login
IP Logged
