Joined: 14/Jan/2008
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 208
Posted: 15/Apr/2008 at 10:55pm
Not sure if this is authentic, but still makes interesting reading:
General Motors REPLY TO BILL GATES
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the
computer industry with the auto industry and stated,
"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we
would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release Stating:
"If GM had developed technology like microsoft, we would all be
driving cars with the following characteristics (and I just love this
part, esp 7th point and 10'th point):
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to
buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You
would have to pull to the side of the road, close all of the windows,
shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could
continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.
4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would
cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you
would have to reinstall the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was
reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would !
run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would
all be replaced by a single "This Car Has Performed an Illegal
Operation" warning light.
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you
out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door
handle, turned the key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to
learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would
operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. "
Never undervalue the manufacturing & automobile industries
Joined: 14/Jan/2008
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 208
Posted: 30/Apr/2008 at 10:20pm
SPORTS PAGE, INTERNATIONAL EDITION
RONALDO GOES FOR A SIXER!!!!
Breaking news on most energetic TV channels today:
Ronaldo visits a shady district in Brazil and picks up a girl, it turned out that 'IT' was quite a guy and 'R' now complains to the police of being extorted.
Our team investigated and interviewed the HI*RA. This person claimed that he/she/it was forced to swallow a "Bitter Pill" by "R" and was still suffering from after effects of the pill. We asked to see the bottle it was "Viagra" from a prominent pharma company.
As for the after effects, the he/she/it, hereafter called entity claimed (as translated on our Hindi channel):
"Maine Goli khayi, to mere bhittar sey ek gambhir (Big B jaisi)avaaj ayi:
YEH SUVIDHA AAP KE LIYE UPLABH NAHIN HAIN"
Apparently, the entity would burp every few seconds followed by hearing this voice recording from within.
Psychologists from NIMHANS, Bangalore have rushed to the site to investigate, as this is the first instance of one hearing voices from within. They are now looking for a suitable name for this phenomenon to distinguish it from external "hallucinations" which are sensed around the ears.
Big B feels honoured that his voice 'from within' is not just in the Cadbury ad. but that now millions (We do not know their exact population, as no country records the third gender sex)could possibly hear it. He has offered a prize of Rs 5 Crores from his retirement benefits (KBC); to the best name entry. There are whispers (Source: Shri Tulsian's recent "Paid site" where only humour now comes free) that he (Big B)proposes to take a 10% stake in this pharma company and this forum is thus requested to add this Pharma Co. to TED XI - a guaranteed multi-bagger!
Joined: 02/Sep/2006
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9319
Posted: 24/May/2008 at 11:10am
The Laal Street Journal
To cut a Long story Short
Bharti-MTN deal cancellation is the best news: Chameli
(TLSJ reporter)
In a freewheeling exclusive interview with TLSJ, Ms. Chameli talked on variety of issues.
Few excerpts are printed here.
TLSJ: You seem to be tracking telecom sector M&A developments very closely. What's your view on Bharti-MTN deal being called off?
Chameli: Look Mister, CALLS are the lifeline in my prefession.......that explains my interest in Telephones. Besides the smoother the mergers & acquisitions the better for me. To answer your query, I'm extremely happy that the MTN-Bharti deal is cancelled. It's the best news I've heard so far this year.
TLSJ: Why Ms chameli, could you please elaborate on the same?
Chameli: Look at the terms they had agreed. It was at some 160 plus Rands/share. It's ridiculous.....are we so cheap?
TLSJ: Ahem...it's South African currency, Madam.
Chameli: I don't want to discuss on this anymore as it's a derogatory term.
TLSJ: Okay. What's your view on Oil prices hitting highs & it's effect on businesses.
Chameli: My investor/trader clients tell me that in fact the world is well-oiled & it's all speculation driving prices higher. Having said that, I've enough pricing power you see.
Chameli: All I can say is that the product is good & it's the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid pregnacy.
TLSJ: May I know what's the first best thing?
Chameli: Frankly Mister, though you appear grown up it seems you are not matured enough. Why don't you check answer to this question from a high-school student named Bunty? Then you have to admit in TLSJ openly that aap paanchvi pass se tez nahin hain.
TLSJ: Okay...
For entire unedited version of the interview you need to subscribe TLSJ.
Edited by kulman - 24/May/2008 at 11:21am
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards
Joined: 21/Mar/2008
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 851
Posted: 27/May/2008 at 2:45am
The Laal Street Journal
To cut a Long story Short
Astro Special
Source: Moneycontrol.com
Ashok Motiani, Financial Astrologer of Indianmarketsastrologer.com said the stars predict the market may go down to 14,000. He told CNBC-TV18 that the market may see an inital recovery by the end of July or early August.
Excerpts from CNBC-TV18’s exclusive interview with Ashok Motiani:
A: My earlier estimate was that in early January the market will reach 21,000 and then there would be 30% decline by July. But I have changed my mind because a 30% decline will come to around 15,000. I think it can go down to 14,000 this time.
Q: Are the stars telling you this, this time?
A: Yes.
Q: When do you see recovery or when do the stars see a recovery?
A: Soon after the sell-off, which will come in next 45-50 days and some time by the middle of July, the market should bottom out and that may give an opportunity to many investors to invest again. It will have interim rally for a few days or weeks and then again markets may go side ways till the end of the year. The market’s initial recovery will be at the end of July or early August.
Q: Your low point target for the year is 14,500 or do you think by the time we wrap up the year we might get lower level for the Sensex?
A: When I came last time and I thought the early January high would be at 21,000 and lowest would be 18,000 but it went down to 15,000. So this time I’m not sure whether the low will be 14,000, who knows it can go to even13,000. I will know only in the middle of June of how low it can go but the major danger to the stock market lies between June 10 to July 10 or July 11.
Q: What about crude and any predictions on that of where that might be headed?
A: On crude Mars and Ketu both have been transiting tarkrashi and that was a very bullish sign for oil. Now they are moving towards each other till June 14, so oil can remain bullish till that time or even till June 21 as long as Mangal is transiting in tarkrashi. After that there still is a Mangal-Shani conjunction on July 10 and there is a possibility that oil can remain firm but only towards the end of July and August. I can see oil may come down a bit. I must refer to the call by Goldman Sachs that says that ‘within 6-18 months time oil can reach USD 200/bbl.’ My target is USD 100/bbl.
Q: Do you act on what you foresee and do you act on what the stars tell you. Do you actually trade in the markets?
A: I invest in S&P 500, especially the ETF SPY because I don’t have the time to trade I spend most of my time talking to my clients, so I don’t have time for this.
Q: You said the worst period that the market is going to watch out is between June 10 and July 11 why is that?
A: There are two conjunctions coming here. One is the Ketu and Mangal conjunction, which will be coming around June 14-15 and on the July 10 is a Mangal-Shani conjunction. These two major conjunctions are taking place within 25 days, which is a bit dangerous for the market. Th add to it Guru has been Vakriya as I had predicted last time. Vakriya Guru in Dhanu becomes a niche and that has been started from May 1. On my website Indianmarketsastrologer.com on April 30, I had written that May has started and I’m bearish now and also mentioned words like fastening your seat belts, we are heading for a bumpy ride actually it was a roller coaster ride.
So the market will continue to decline but the market is not going to crash in May or sometime later. So I think by July 11 or middle of July the market should have bottomed out and it will bring a fantastic new opportunity for long-term investors and trading also will be fantastic. If the market really goes down the way I’m expecting it, then the interim rally will also be fairly good and then the market can go sideways but this is how it is going to be.
Edited by vijaygawde - 27/May/2008 at 2:48am
Diversification is protection against ignorance, it makes little sense for those who know what they’re doing.
Joined: 02/Sep/2006
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 9319
Posted: 12/Jun/2008 at 8:49pm
The Laal Street Journal
To cut a Long story Short
IT is not good anymore
Tough times ahead for
techies in India. Pretty soon, they may have to carry tissue paper to office,
for the US recession seems to have entered even the toilets of Indian software
firms.
The once abundant stock of toilet paper,
sanitary disposal bags and bottles of handwash are drying up
now.
Another
professional, Meera Sridhar, said, "Tissue paper is found only in a couple of
toilets out of the nine we have. The face tissues completely vanished a
fortnight ago"
"Tissue paper rolls have disappeared from most gents toilets....." said a tech professional working for an MNC.
As per a random survey done by TLSJ reporters, 78.2% IT professionals confirmed their displeasure.
A senior executive, who did not wish to be named said: "First they blocked Online Trading during office hours & now this shocking action......Saala...office jaane ka maza nahin raha."
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards
Joined: 29/Dec/2007
Location: India
Online Status: Offline
Posts: 1283
Posted: 12/Jun/2008 at 9:03pm
Originally posted by kulman
"Tissue paper rolls have disappeared from most gents toilets....." said a tech professional working for an MNC.
As per a random survey done by TLSJ reporters, 78.2% IT professionals confirmed their displeasure.
A senior executive, who did not wish to be named said: "First they blocked Online Trading during office hours & now this shocking action......Saala...office jaane ka maza nahin raha."
No wonder there was kind of stink in the office today
TLSJ: Hmmm well...Now coming back to the inflation, sky-rocketing fuel prices. What do you feel would be Central Bankers' response? A rate hike?
Chameli: I don't know what they would do, I've decided to increase my rates already.
TLSJ: No no...I mean will the Central Bank Chiefs speak in a Hawkish or Dovish language?
Chameli: I don't know what those language mean. To be frank with you, whenever I've done business with these bankers I've heard them uttering different languages.
TLSJ: And....what are those?
Chameli: My observation.....
Private Bankers: Oh yes, oh yes oh yes
PSU Bankers: Oh no, oh no oh no
Central Bankers (like Fed, RBI): Oh yes, oh no, oh yes, oh no
Investment Bankers: Oh my god, oh my god!
Life can only be understood backwards—but it must be lived forwards
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Ashok Motiani
