Abortion in the ears..... Hilarious!
>
> This is a short story written by a doctor....he is a Gynaecologist
> and a very gifted writer....enjoy this extremely funny story.


>

> My wife is an ENT Surgeon while I am a Gynaecologist. This can lead to
> some complications, as I recently learned to my anguish. A General
> Practitioner called me up and told me that she is sending a patient of
> hers for an abortion. Unknown to me, she had also referred a female with
> earwax for removal of the wax to my wife.I duly informed the receptionist
> to send the patient right in as she was expected (and expecting!) As
> Murphy lays down the laws of our hospital, it was but natural that the
> patient who wanted the wax removed from her ear, landed up with me. This
> is the conversation that I had with the patient.
>
> "Please come in. Be seated." I said with a big smile. I always have a big
> smile, when I am going to earn some money. The patient gave a feeble smile

> and sat hesitantly on the edge of the chair. "Relax."
>
> "Doctor, will this hurt a lot?"
>
> "Not at all."
>
> The patient relaxed visibly. "You know something, Doctor, we tried
> removing it at home, but failed." I was shocked. "Thank God. Trying this
> at home can cause serious complications. "
> "I first tried to remove it by jumping up and down, but it just wouldn't
> budge."
>
> I smiled and said, "If it were that easy, who would need doctors?"
>
> She gave a cute smile and said, "Yeah! My neighbour tried to remove it
> with
> his finger, but the hole is so small that he used a hair pin."
>
> "Oh my God!"
>
> "Yes! My mother even tried a matchstick."
>
> My blood pressure was shooting skywards. I just sputtered without uttering
> a word.
>
> "Tell me, doctor, how do I avoid getting this dirt inside me?"
>
> I knew that it was an unwanted pregnancy, but calling it dirt was too
> much. I replied a bit angrily, "There are tablets which can prevent this
> happening. Or you could use protection at night."
> Now it was the patient's turn to be confused, "You mean to say that it
> happens only at night?"
>
> I saw her point. "No! No! I meant anytime of the day, whenever you are in
> the mood, you should use protection."
>
> She was even more confused, "It depends on my moods?" Again I saw her
> point. "My mistake. You need not be in any sort of mood. It just happens."
>
> "My neighbour advised me to go to one of those chaps who sit by the
> roadside."
>
> "You mean that pin man?"
>
> "Yeah!"
>
> This neighbour of hers seemed to be a very dangerous man. Besides using
> pins, he was sending her to such quacks. The only safety he knew was among

> the pins. "You were wise not to heed his advice." "But I tried his other
> advice. He told me to put warm oil inside and wait. However, that also did

> not work."
>
> This was getting more and more bizarre. Her neighbour deserved to be
> locked up either in a padded cell or a barred one.
>
> "But have you taken your husband's permission?"
>
> Now the patient looked confused. "Do I have to take my husband's
> permission? Because if you need his sign, he is working in Dubai . We were

> not able to meet for the last one year."
>
> It was my turn to be shocked. I gave a sly smirk. It was one of 'those'
> cases. The pin-wielding neighbour seemed to me the usual suspect. I
> reassured her. "No! No! The husband's sign is not at all needed."
>
> "However, I did inform him on phone."
>
> Her husband seemed to me a very broad-minded fellow. I didn't know whether

> to congratulate her or to commiserate with her. So I hastily turned to
> other aspects. "Its good that you came a bit early."
>
> "Actually I wanted to come early in the morning, but I had some other
> work."
>
> "Oh! I did not mean early today. I meant that if you had delayed this
> removal, it would have started moving. Then it would have developed a
> heartbeat." The patient was staring at me wide eyed as if watching a
> horror movie. Looking at her face, I decided that she was not fit to
> listen to the grotesque details. I decided to relieve her a bit. I said,
> "You will bleed a bit, but only for a few days."
>
> By now, the poor patient was trembling, "how-H-How much bleeding?"
>
> "Oh, only slightly more than your menstrual period, and it will continue
> only for a week or so."
>
> By now the patient was clutching her hair in her fingers and staring at me

> wide-eyed. I asked her soothingly, "Why don't you lie down on the
> examination table? Remove your clothes and relax."
>
> This was the final straw. She didn't even wish me goodbye. I saw just a
> blur of motion leaving my consulting room at top speed.
>